RELATIONSHIP 201: Fix This and You Will Be Walking on Sunshine

There's no denying that every relationship has problems. As long as two people coexist there's bound to be conflict. You can't totally be in agreement and compatible on all levels, at all times. If you do, it means one person is pretending. So don't think your relationship is the worst ever cos you have little conflict here and there. We all go through that and how we handle conflict is what makes the difference.

What if there really is ONE major cause of relationship problems, that one issue that if addressed changes everything? If you can lay your finger on that one thing it would be easier to identify the problem and solve it once and for all. 

That one major cause I want to share is Self-abandonment. This one little word causes a long list of other problems. People get into relationships and abandon themselves. It could be emotional, physical, spiritual, relational and organisational abandonment. One or more of these areas could be the cause of those relationship problems. 

You make your partner responsible for your feelings, then try to control them to love you and make you feel worthy. You fail to take care of yourself financially, then expect your partner to take financial responsibility for you, this could cause problems. Well, if your partner agrees to take financial responsibility for you no problem, but you have to accept the terms in which he/she does it. 

You stop organizing yourself, you don't manage your time and space. You show up late for meetings, clutter the house, and just be generally organised when your partner is an on-time, super neat person, there's gonna be a major problem there baby!

You don''t take care of yourself physically, you stop looking attractive (those looks that attracted him/her to you anyway), you eat unhealthy, don't exercise, get fat, and all that. When he/she looks at you he/she doesn't see you anymore, he/she sees someone else...that's just THE problem. 

If you refuse to speak up for yourself in your relationship, instead either giving yourself up or resisting, you are eroding the love in your relationship. 

Spiritual abandonment is also an issue, when you fail to connect with your spiritual source of sustenance, your neediness can create conflict. When your intent in a relationship is to get love rather than share love then you constantly depend on your partner for approval, attention, affection, time, etc. 

I asked some Jackie Reports readers what they think is THE major cause of relationship problems, here is what they had to say...

Maturity embodies everything. If you are both mature you'll learn to understand each other and know you are two different people with two different backgrounds coming together. Maturity will teach you when to be calm and when to be loud. Ultimately, as a Christian, build the foundation on God.

-Mfreke, 29, Artiste. 

I will say that 'not taking responsibility for your own feelings' is the major cause of relationship problems, because each person makes the other person responsible for his/her feelings and then tries, in various ways, to have control over getting the other person to behave the way he/she wants. 

-Ikpono, 21, Student of Human Physiology.

All relationships have problems but I will pick poor values as the major cause of relationship problems.

-Obinna, 29, Business Development Consultant.

I'll say lies. If you lie to your partner it causes distrust. and when you don't trust your partner everything goes wrong. 

-Cambel, 25, Student/Fashion Consultant.

The major cause is distrust. People have trust issues a lot. Your boyfriend could be like "Boo I'm out chilling with friends" and you could think he's cheating. Or if he has cheated once you'll never be able to trust him anymore. You know these days everybody is so smart. 

-Lizzy, 25, Entrepreneur. 

When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner. One golden rule I recommend for every relationship is "Do unto your partner as you'll love your partner to do unto you"

Feel free to share your views on the topic. Hit the comment box below.