By Sarah Cook Ruggera
Infidelity and cheating statistics reveal 45-55% of married women and
50-60% of married men engage in extramarital affairs at some point in their
relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple &
Relationship Therapy). According to Menstuff.com there are numerous statistics
that indicate infidelity in various different contexts (emotional, sexual,
online, etc,).
What these findings suggest is that approximately one half of all married men
and women seek some kind of inappropriate intimacy outside their relationship,
be it emotional or physical, as most affairs are not always about sex.
Assuming there are no personality disorders or mental illness to take
into consideration, there are various reasons men and women cheat. The main
reason women cheat is there is an emotional disconnection or feeling of
neglect. In many cases of infidelity, it is about feeling emotionally connected
to someone.
Women, just like men, cheat because something is lacking in their
current relationship. With the lack of connection and intimacy they feel
depressed, lonely and, often times, alienated, and this can lead to doing
things they would normally never do had they not been feeling like themselves.
Other reasons why women cheat are:
Low Self-Esteem: Some women feel like something is missing in their
lives. Gaining the attention from men can boost their self-confidence and
self-esteem. Compliments, phone calls, flowers, and text from another man are
flattering and make a woman feel more attractive and wanted.
Excitement: If a woman doesn't feel fulfilled or is bored in her life,
seeking an affair can be a new and exciting venture and can bring about
feelings of euphoria. Women want to escape from daily life and an affair
becomes a way for that to happen.
Sex: As men and women are sexual beings it's natural to want and desire
sex. If a woman is unsatisfied with her sex life and communication is already
at a low, her interest may wander toward other men. If sexual activity drops
dramatically in the relationship, the woman may feel unattractive and unwanted.
Romance: As women become comfortable in their relationships romance can
get lost in the day-to-day routine of life. When a couple has been together for
some time it can be challenging to keep the romance going. Some women aren't
even looking for affairs but can become seduced by the temptation of the
"high" with any new relationship.
Revenge: Sometimes women have affairs to get even with their husbands
who have had affairs themselves so that the husband can feel the hurt, anger
and jealousy that they have felt.
An Exit Strategy: The "affair" is a way the woman sets up
leaving the relationship whether unconscious or intentional as it serves as a
means of sabotaging the relationship as the betrayal leads to her justification
to leave.
Reasons Why Men Cheat:
- Feels neglected
- Boosts their ego
- Grows apart; Fallen out of love
- Argues a lot
- Loss of attraction
- Sex life is bad
- Revenge
- Exciting and New
Both men and woman can hold a history of cheating due to the family in
which they grew up in. Their parents may have cheated on one another,
therefore, the bad behavior was role modeled for them. Albeit, they didn't like
the behavior, it was somehow normalized in their families and the behavior
repeated. Some people have poor coping skills and act out their emotions in
inappropriate ways by cheating and hurting themselves and the ones they love.
Women
are no different from men when it comes to cheating, except that they are more
apt to fall in love with their partner as women have a hormone (Oxytocin), that
stimulates the brain and enables them to feel the "in-love" state
more so than men. Men typically like the quantity of more partners, where woman
like the quality.
The most effective way to keep a relationship or marriage healthy is to
work on it everyday and evaluate it on a regular basis. If both partners make
an effort to improve the relationship, keep a constancy of contact (spend
regular time together), and effectively communicate, they can avoid feeling
like they need someone else to make them happy.
Furthermore, it should be noted that statistics of the prevalence of
affairs were made over a decade ago. Based on changes in our society during the
years, that percentage could be somewhat higher due to the continuing increase
of women in the workplace and the increase of women actively participating in
online chat rooms on the Internet. In conclusion, I would believe that the
numbers for women having affairs is probably equal to those for men-about 60%.
Sarah Cook Ruggera, MFT
Helping People Who Ask The Question... "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?"
Helping People Who Ask The Question... "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?"
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